“A mans steps are directed by the Lord. How then can anyone understand his own way?”
I read this verse this past wednesday evening after a long day trying to manipulate sheet metal to do my bidding. I was rebuilding a trim tab assembly (yes I am pretending everyone knows what that is and what it does) and was ready to let the line service guys use it as their soccer ball when lunch time came. Coming across this verse made me throw my arms up in the air and almost yell out loud “well that would have been nice to know before I started training for 5 years to fix airplanes!” I went to bed in frustration.
But as I started thinking about this verse over the past couple of days my heart has changed. I am truly awestruck by the Lord and how his plans and ideas are so outside of my understanding.
Let me back up a bit. I have realized that I have not really shared at all what Dan and my days are like here in Kenya. Well here it is. Hopefully my theme verse and thoughts later on will make sense after I share a typical day with you.
6:00 am- Dan gets up and tells me its 6 and time to get up.
6:10 am- Dan goes down stairs to make breakfast and tells me its 6:10
6:20 am- Dan tells me its 6:20.
6:30 am- I finally roll out of bed straight to a pot to boiling water on our stove for coffee.
7:10 am- Dan and I get in the car and ride in mario kart traffic to wilson airport for 30- 50 min. The airport is only 5 miles away.
8am-12:30pm – I work on airplanes. Dan does odd jobs.
12:30-1:30- I eat lunch. Dan plays soccer
1:30- 5- I work on airplanes. Dan does odd jobs.
5-6:30- we ride home in mario kart traffic
6:30-8:30- Make dinner, eat dinner and maybe watch an episode of Murder, She Wrote or the Cosby Show.
This is basically what I do at home in Washington. This past four weeks have been a struggle for me because I am still not seeing how what I am doing is ministry. I feel as though I have more of a ministry in spokane than here. While I enjoy being at the hanger something is very much missing. While at home I am still at a hanger, I am outside of it long enough to “make disciples”, to have friendships, to be a wife and for gosh sakes sit down and knit. Here, I am at the hanger.
One may ask well what about your weekends? Weekends are for everything your talking about right? No. This is Africa. I had to ask for a day off to just have time to do all the things that need to be done living in Kenya. Fridays and Saturdays consist of cooking for the week, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, women’s prayer group and hopefully a 2 hour date outing to java house so Dan and I can remember that we are married and still attracted to each other. And on sundays we go to church. Which takes most of the day. I look at this list and it does not appear to be alot but everything takes longer here and Dan and I walk everywhere we need to go.
I don’t want to come off negative sounding. I have been learning a lot and I have been slowly making friendships. But this is not what I was expecting for a ministry internship. To be honest I was expecting an emotionally high experience of being a servant in a very apparent-to-me way and discovering exactly what God’s plans were for Dan and I. After 4 weeks I am definitely not high on the Holy Spirit and I do not understand my way.
Ok back to my verse. My steps are directed by the Lord. As I have been reflecting on this verse I know that this is the place God has for me right now and for the next 4 weeks. Despite my feelings about it which I described above. I am confused right now and a little frustrated because I feel that I am not living up to what a missionary should be. But my Savior knows that. He knew that is what I would go through and he still moved heaven and earth to get me here to Kenya. He kept me in school for 5 years when I wanted to quit so bad and he passed me through when there where areas that I should have failed if not for him. All of these things have reminded me that I have a way and my steps are directed. But not by me. By the man that died for me and rose again. Instead of being frustrated by not knowing my steps like I was wednesday night, I need to be comforted that God is directing my steps.
I can not express how much I wish God had flown me halfway around the world to be his servant and a light. I’m thinking he flew me around the world to show me that I don’t trust him and I am selfish. Its a pity I couldn’t have learned that before I came but God knows best. I am still learning that He knows best.
I wish I could post wonderful stories and experiences for you all to read. I wish I could be showing you how the Lord is using Dan and I. But what I have to share is what he is teaching me. And He is teaching me to trust him fully no matter what is going on around me that I don’t understand. And I, true to form, am being stubborn and slow learning but I think I am getting it. More here than i would have at home in my little apt in Spokane. Maybe that is why He moved heaven and earth to get me out here. He knew I needed to be outside my comfort zone to learn to trust him fully. He knew that in order to direct my steps, I needed to be convinced that I don’t know my own way. He truly blows my mind. And for that I am so thankful and grateful.
On a much lighter note, WE ARE GOING CAMPING THIS WEEKEND!!! 😀
I don’t know where we are going or what we will do when we get there but we are leaving the city and that is all I care about! A missionary couple that works at the hanger asked us to come along with them and we are so grateful for a chance to have a little mini vacation at our halfway point.
-Obviously prayer that Dan and I will continue to trust the Lord in everything here and at home.
– That we will not be discouraged if expectations are not met
– For our safety as we are doing a lot of walking just the two of us and that we are now living in a house by our selves now that our team is gone.
-For our friendships here that they will continue to grow
– That the Lord will still use us as his servants and that we will be able to impact his kingdom even if we can’t see it